Greetings Earth Women!
My name is Cranky Alien, and I come from a planet where male and female share a deep and implicit understanding of each other's needs, cares and desires. Naturally, I
find your world primitive and appalling.
However, rather than obliterating humanity as is my wont, my girlfriend has convinced me that I should instead instruct you in the triflings of your male companions so that you may experience the rich rewards that we enjoy. Plus she said that if I did this, she would do stuff in our bedchamber that would frigging blow my mind. That's a direct quote. Can you feel how magical our connection is?
Accordingly, I will attempt to explain the mysterious things that your male-kind enjoy so that you may share in their enjoyment; or, failing that, understand why they are enjoyed; or, failing that, avoid them completely.
Requests
Does your boyfriend / husband / man-boy do or like something that mystifies you? Has he been trying to get you to watch some movie that you are sure is "crapass"? Whisper it into my ear or one of my antennae, and I will attempt to untangle your riddle and inject the answer into millions of female brains using the Interwebs.
Do not bother me with questions about:
- Sex. You have Dan Savage for that.
- Porn. (see "Sex").
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